Looking at Hate in the Mirror

Values, morals, and ethics are so intriguing to me. Religious indoctrination especially captures my attention because of its power over people. In my case, I have found that if I allow my thinking to go unchecked, it is easy to develop a certain special type of hate and intolerance towards those who, in my opinion, are hateful and intolerant themselves. What paradoxical and even hypocritical thinking, which leads to a cycle of disunity and division.

Hate within our hearts exists as a strong, powerful emotion and acts as an effective motivator to free oneself from circumstances that we feel strongly about and want to escape, such as an abusive relationship. Yet it is also very destructive. Responding to hate with hate produces even more hate as a byproduct.

I believe hate is the chemotherapy of emotions—perhaps in some circumstances it gives a desired result, and we free ourselves from our circumstances like a cancerous growth that is an abusive relationship, but the damage it can also inflict on our soul is often irreparable or very difficult to come back from.

I don’t know how to function and live successfully right now without having some hate in my heart for intolerant individuals who harmed me and others like me in the past, especially when I feel that someone is prioritizing an organized religion over their family. It’s hard not to feel hate and disgust in my heart.

So, while I freed myself from others’ oppression, I then proceeded to give birth to bias, stereotypes, and prejudice towards those I didn’t know but who resembled my family and those who abandoned me because of their intolerance. My tolerance for others is depleted because I have so little to give as I’m healing from profound wounds. I’ve overcorrected, and I don’t know exactly how to get back on track yet I’m determined to do so, because not only am I off course a bit, but I also feel that I’m out of fuel. If I’m correct, this is the time I watch and learn from those who faced battles of their own and are still left with love in their hearts. After all we can choose to love and grow, or we can choose to hate and teardown, I choose to love and grow.