I’m Thankful for…
Yesterday, I joined a group of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses for a Thanksgiving dinner. This dinner group included two attorneys, two former Bethelites, and three ex-elders. The conversation was nothing short of extraordinary. En route, I considered how the dinner might unfold. I had mentally committed to a two-hour stay, sufficient to be courteous, enjoy a meal,…
The Blue Screen of Death
The blue screen of death, the universal sign of a system failure, strikes a particular chord with me. It takes me back to my own internal system crashes, those of belief, expectations, and self-identity. There were times when I felt like a computer crashing, overwhelmed by demands and tasks that I simply couldn’t process or…
Monday Motivation: Processing the Past to Empower the Future
Well dang! This is a late post! I’m considering adding a “Monday Motivation” post each week, a way to start each week with a reflective yet forward-looking perspective. It’s an opportunity to identify the lessons of the past and focus them into actions for the present and future, which is what I want to discuss…
Silent Profiles: Mom
Each evening, as the world quiets down, my thoughts inevitably drift to one person: my mom. It’s been almost three years, three years filled with this silence between us. This isn’t because we argued or fell out, but because I chose a different path from the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith that she holds dear. That choice…
Journal Entries of the Past : Plans to be Happy
I started looking though old journals as I started writing my posts centering them around my time at Bethel. I found this journal entry from February 2008 that was written while I was there. “Get close to the congregation. Have a set plan for service during the month. Be prepared for ministry, arrange to work…
My JW Life : Lets Chat About Partaking
In the words of Seinfeld, My next chapter is a pretty big matzah ball I’m just hanging out here. Navigating one’s spiritual journey can often feel like traversing a winding path, with each turn presenting its own set of challenges and revelations. This was particularly true for me after leaving Bethel and for several years…
My Bethel Love Story : Part 4 : Judgment at Bethel
My existence and life were unraveling as the plane touched down in New York, my mind a battleground of contradicting desires, fears, and heartbreak. The knowledge that the next moments and months of my life would be untidy was as certain as anything I had ever known. Jonathan‘s confession to the elders had positioned me…
My Bethel Love Story : Part 3 : A Farewell to Paradise
As my story unfolds, the focus shifts from the tender moments shared with Jonathan* to a broader introspection of my journey within the world of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the institutional walls of Bethel. Jonathan, in a twist of fate, found himself reassigned in December of 2009, his chapter at Bethel closed abruptly just as our…
My Bethel Love Story : Part 2 : The Unspoken Language of Us
In one of my previous entries, I introduced you to Jonathan*, he was part of a chapter of my life that unfolded in the crazy world of Bethel. Today, I pull back the curtain a bit more to reveal the depth of our bond, a connection that was as unexpected as it was intimate. Jonathan…
JW Culture : Reflections on Bethel
Bethel was supposed to be a spiritual haven, the peak and highlight of my religious journey, where the most spiritual and dedicated lived a wonderful life of special full time service to Jehovah. It was in my mind a place shrouded in an aura of holiness and expectation. Yet, as I time there went on,…
My Bethel Love Story : Part 1
In the heart of Bethel (a Jehovah’s Witness monastery), where my devotion had turned to depression, I found an unexpected treasure—a connection that would shape my heart for years to come. This is the story of meeting my first love, Jonathan* whose memory is etched into my being as deeply as the scriptures were into…
JW Culture : Fear, Faith, and Self-Discovery
Growing up in a fundamentalist, conservative Jehovah’s Witness household feels like revisiting a chapter of my life filled with memories that are both surreal and thought-provoking. As I look back now, it’s incredible to think about the intensity of those beliefs and the impact they had on my upbringing. “The concept of Armageddon was not…
That Apostate Series : I’m Matt
Sunday began with the tail end of my Watchtower study and a quick breakfast before heading out to the quiet of the early morning. I’d always arrive at the Kingdom Hall at least thirty minutes early, a personal rule for the serene preparation ahead—ensuring the sound system was ready, the literature desk was stocked with…
That Apostate Series : 10 Essential Steps for Leaving High-Control Groups and Cults
Leaving a high-control group or cult can be a challenging and life-altering decision. The process of breaking free from such groups can be emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically demanding. To help you navigate this journey, we’ve compiled a list of ten essential steps to prepare for and cope with life after leaving such groups. 1.Self-Education:…
That Apostate Series : My Journey through Sociological and Psychological Dimensions
Hey Everyone! I’m wondering if people would like to hear more of my story of leaving a high-control religious group or what many consider a cult. It’s a journey that looks at the sociological and psychological aspects of growing up within such an organization, which continued into my adulthood. This experience has deeply affected different…