Sorry for being so quiet lately! I’ve been working a lot and haven’t been feeling well. I’m alive and kicking! 💙 I’ve been writing a lot more lately, but I haven’t posted anything until I have a story arc complete for a set of blog posts coming up. Stay tuned!
When I took this picture, I had no idea that my life would take such a wild turn months later. I guess that’s why we should try to enjoy the beauty of the moment and not get caught up in our minds. We never know what tomorrow will bring, so just enjoy the now.
I have been so overwhelmed with Jehovah’s Witnesses from my past reaching out. I’ve pinned this to my social media accounts. I’m really surprised that I have heard from those in my past. It’s sad and really heart wrenching for me. I want it to stop unless it’s sincere. To all my Jehovah’s Witness family…
This photo tells a story. It tells a story of the bravery, courage, justice, and resilience of the people of Kansas City. We are strong, we are united, we are just, we are resilient.
Like the rest of America, I’ve been considering the ethical nature of the choices made by Gypsy Rose. Her story resonates with me, and I think with others, because those closest to her caused so much harm and she took a stand in an extremely dramatic and violent way. Both she and her mother invoke…
I have nearly 51,000 photos on my iPhone, and an additional 200,000 photos on Google drive. Soooo these are really never going to be shown unless I start posting them. And here we go. This photo is from the archives! It was taken in Southern Utah on the way to Moab from Capitol Reef National…
Some of the most frequent questions I get asked about are regarding the tools and techniques I use for recording, photographing, and creating. It’s a crucial part of my creative process, and the right equipment can make a significant difference in the quality and ease of use and of course post production. In response to…
In the winter, when the days are short and the nights long, it’s easy for anyone to feel a bit lonely, especially during the holiday season. This time of year, even during celebrations, one can fall into a quiet introspection. There’s something special about this quieter time. It’s an opportunity for personal reflection, much like…
Depression, for me, feels like being in a different time zone from the rest of the world. It’s like everyone else is moving forward, their lives flowing effortlessly, while I’m stuck, unable to join in the rhythm of life. I find myself seeking safety, wrapping myself in a blanket not at all for warmth but…
I’m rushing around getting/making some last min Christmas gifts today! dah! But I also made some time for some writing and reflecting. This little poem is about how we so often judge and short change ourselves and never give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Let me know what you think of it. “In the…
As someone who considers themselves deeply empathetic or an empath, I’ve noticed a challenge that often goes unspoken. We have this natural inclination to deeply tune into others’ emotions and disappointments, sometimes to the point of over-interpretation. It’s almost like we’re wired to feel what others feel, but this can lead to a psychological phenomenon…
Last night, I merged an older blog containing my short stories and poems with this one for archiving purposes. My goal was to bring all my old projects into a single location. However, in doing so, I inadvertently sent out emails to all my followers, which wasn’t intended. I’m writing to explain why you might…
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to make you something else. It’s like being in a maze, where every turn is a choice between being the real you and the you that everyone else expects. Being authentic isn’t just some trendy word for…
I’m finding more and more that great things happen when our feelings, thoughts, words, and actions are congruent. When these aspects of ourselves align, happiness is found. 💙 When my internal dialogue is in turmoil I often find that one of these: my feelings, my thoughts, my words, or my actions has deviated from the…
I shared this a while ago, but felt like sharing it again . If you have ever had a loved one who suffered from dementia you might appreciate my poem. 💙 In shadows cast by dimlit walls, I dwell,A patient, bound by silence’s cruel spell.Though deemed confused by eyes that meet my gaze,Inside this fragile…
Reflecting on it now, it seems rather astonishing that I was taught by a religion that we are inherently sinful and wicked, and that we need someone else to make us whole. This teaching emphasized our flaws and imperfections. It’s understandable why so many people feel unable to meet such incredibly unattainable standards. Just a…
Yesterday, I joined a group of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses for a Thanksgiving dinner. This dinner group included two attorneys, two former Bethelites, and three ex-elders. The conversation was nothing short of extraordinary. En route, I considered how the dinner might unfold. I had mentally committed to a two-hour stay, sufficient to be courteous, enjoy a meal,…
The blue screen of death, the universal sign of a system failure, strikes a particular chord with me. It takes me back to my own internal system crashes, those of belief, expectations, and self-identity. There were times when I felt like a computer crashing, overwhelmed by demands and tasks that I simply couldn’t process or…
It’s already late, and I wasn’t able to publish an extensive blog post today which I’m a bit frustrated about. It’s fine. Tomorrow offers another opportunity. 💙
Well dang! This is a late post! I’m considering adding a “Monday Motivation” post each week, a way to start each week with a reflective yet forward-looking perspective. It’s an opportunity to identify the lessons of the past and focus them into actions for the present and future, which is what I want to discuss…
Each evening, as the world quiets down, my thoughts inevitably drift to one person: my mom. It’s been almost three years, three years filled with this silence between us. This isn’t because we argued or fell out, but because I chose a different path from the Jehovah’s Witnesses faith that she holds dear. That choice…
I started looking though old journals as I started writing my posts centering them around my time at Bethel. I found this journal entry from February 2008 that was written while I was there. “Get close to the congregation. Have a set plan for service during the month. Be prepared for ministry, arrange to work…
In the words of Seinfeld, My next chapter is a pretty big matzah ball I’m just hanging out here. Navigating one’s spiritual journey can often feel like traversing a winding path, with each turn presenting its own set of challenges and revelations. This was particularly true for me after leaving Bethel and for several years…
My existence and life were unraveling as the plane touched down in New York, my mind a battleground of contradicting desires, fears, and heartbreak. The knowledge that the next moments and months of my life would be untidy was as certain as anything I had ever known. Jonathan‘s confession to the elders had positioned me…
As my story unfolds, the focus shifts from the tender moments shared with Jonathan* to a broader introspection of my journey within the world of Jehovah’s Witnesses and the institutional walls of Bethel. Jonathan, in a twist of fate, found himself reassigned in December of 2009, his chapter at Bethel closed abruptly just as our…
In one of my previous entries, I introduced you to Jonathan*, he was part of a chapter of my life that unfolded in the crazy world of Bethel. Today, I pull back the curtain a bit more to reveal the depth of our bond, a connection that was as unexpected as it was intimate. Jonathan…
Bethel was supposed to be a spiritual haven, the peak and highlight of my religious journey, where the most spiritual and dedicated lived a wonderful life of special full time service to Jehovah. It was in my mind a place shrouded in an aura of holiness and expectation. Yet, as I time there went on,…
In the heart of Bethel (a Jehovah’s Witness monastery), where my devotion had turned to depression, I found an unexpected treasure—a connection that would shape my heart for years to come. This is the story of meeting my first love, Jonathan* whose memory is etched into my being as deeply as the scriptures were into…
Growing up in a fundamentalist, conservative Jehovah’s Witness household feels like revisiting a chapter of my life filled with memories that are both surreal and thought-provoking. As I look back now, it’s incredible to think about the intensity of those beliefs and the impact they had on my upbringing. “The concept of Armageddon was not…
Sunday began with the tail end of my Watchtower study and a quick breakfast before heading out to the quiet of the early morning. I’d always arrive at the Kingdom Hall at least thirty minutes early, a personal rule for the serene preparation ahead—ensuring the sound system was ready, the literature desk was stocked with…
Amidst a landscape often dominated by self-interest and individualism, the act of sacrificing personal comfort for the greater good serves as a powerful demonstration of universal values, principles, and the depth of character. As people navigate this concept, the journey leads to an exploration of the heart of selflessness, humanitarianism, and the critical role of…
Leaving a high-control group or cult can be a challenging and life-altering decision. The process of breaking free from such groups can be emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically demanding. To help you navigate this journey, we’ve compiled a list of ten essential steps to prepare for and cope with life after leaving such groups. 1.Self-Education:…
Buon giorno! Sundays have always held a special place for me when it comes to breakfast, and I’m excited to introduce you to my unique take on a classic dish, Uova All’inferno. This breakfast creation combines fresh zucchini, ripe roma tomatoes, onions, and Italian sausage, simmered down into a sauce that bursts with delightful flavors.…
Whatever the circumstances, opting to choose the correct path isn’t always the easiest or most comfortable choice, but it’s a decision that often spares others from needless pain and hardship. 💙
Hey Everyone! I’m wondering if people would like to hear more of my story of leaving a high-control religious group or what many consider a cult. It’s a journey that looks at the sociological and psychological aspects of growing up within such an organization, which continued into my adulthood. This experience has deeply affected different…
In our busy world, small acts of kindness can be like little rays of sunshine, brightening up people’s lives. We all have the power to create a caring and friendly world by simply being kind in our daily lives. Think about the simple things you can do to make someone’s day better like getting a…
Every single day is an opportunity for us to transform and grow. It’s never too late to change, improve, or hold onto hope. Our lives are in constant motion, and we are never truly done evolving. All it takes is a willingness to invest in ourselves and embrace our unique path. The path of personal…
In a world divided by ideologies, it’s easy to overlook the significance of being kind, loving, and patient, especially when interacting with those we perceive as ideological enemies. However, it is precisely in these situations that these qualities hold profound importance. By transcending boundaries and practicing empathy, we can foster understanding and bridge the gaps…
In shadows cast by life’s cruel hand,I stand alone on desolate land,Lost, forsaken, my heart bereft,In a world where bonds I once had left. With weary steps, I tread this path,Where laughter once danced, now silent wrath, Isolation’s cloak tightens its hold,As sorrow’s whispers pierce my soul, bold. Longing for connections, lost and gone,Yearning for…
Today is a special day for me, marking a milestone in my journey. It’s an anniversary that quietly brings to mind the ups and downs I’ve experienced so far. As I take a moment to look back, I feel a mix of emotions, both deep and impactful. This day holds significance beyond its date, reminding…
From the moment I arrived at Glacier National Park, I knew this was an encounter far from the ordinary. Nestled in the wild heart of Montana, this park is a thrilling combination of awe-inspiring mountains, sprawling forests, and tranquil lakes—a testament to the untamed beauty of the natural world. The day started under a blanket…
Embarking on a journey into Yellowstone National Park, America’s first national park, I found myself immersed in the sprawling, unspoiled wilderness. The park, predominantly in Wyoming but stretching into Montana and Idaho, is a grand fusion of geothermal marvels, lush forests, and diverse wildlife. Among my numerous experiences, one unforgettable evening in Lamar Valley has…
Why is it that traveling holds such allure for many, including myself? Is it the allure of venturing into the unknown? An escape from the daily grind that consumes our lives? Perhaps it’s the thrill of witnessing breathtaking places and immersing ourselves in diverse cultures. It’s likely a combination of these reasons and more! There’s…
Even though birdwatching in your thirties might not seem like the coolest sexiest of activities, there’s something captivating about it that has me hooked! Hah! 😂 Taking a break from the noise of everyday life and immersing myself in nature has become incredibly refreshing for me. There’s a sense of freedom that comes with disconnecting…
Support and love are important to joy and honestly just simply surviving! My friends, You have made me feel loved and supported. I hope I can provide at least a small portion of what you need to thrive and survive!Show more
It’s so important to use our voice if we have one. Not even to direct attention to ourselves but to empower others!
Shunning Must End it can ruin and permanently damage a life. I know first hand. Losing all your friends is terrible, losing all your family is traumatic, losing everyone you ever knew is inhumane. I still love all of my family and friends and everyone who was in my life. I believe they still love…
Please share this with anyone you feel may benefit.Mental health is probably the most important thing in my life. Access to mental health is so needed in this world. If you know someone who needs help FIND help for them. There are so many resources available, no one needs to feel alone! I know I…
Hi Everyone, I wanted to post a follow up to my last video and say thank you! Also I wanted to express what I was planning on doing with this channel and the kind of energy that I’m hoping to express in future videos! I’m all about growing. Please subscribed!
Hi all! My name is Matt and I used to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I have had a very rough three years and I finally decided that being quite and trying to navigate the difficulties of leaving a high control group by myself was not a good plan. I’m putting myself out there now.…
Thanksgiving has come and gone, and the festive holiday season is officially upon us. I was raised in a rather conservative religious household that didn’t celebrate Christmas or any other holiday. It’s a very new experience for me to incorporate new traditions into my life. At some point, I’ll tell that story… but not today.…
When I was a child one of the first fears I remember was that I was significantly younger than my my family. The fear developed because I knew at some point they would eventually die and I would not have them. This fear was compounded because I’m not only the youngest child, but I’m also…
During my recent travels through Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico, I had the opportunity to pursue one of my photography goals: capturing professional-quality time-lapse footage of both the stunning sunrise and the captivating night sky. With limited margin for error, I dedicated myself to extensive research on the subject, ensuring that every aspect was…
Only 4 more states to go! Let me give you a detailed account of the incredible journey I embarked on this weekend! Out of all the places I visited on this trip, North Dakota surprised me the most, particularly the far southwestern corner that I had the pleasure of exploring. During my time in North…
Now only seven more states left on my list! I recently had the pleasure of exploring the captivating wonders of South Dakota, and let me tell you, this state did not disappoint! The sheer beauty that unfolded before my eyes was nothing short of breathtaking. When I caught wind of the forecast predicting temperatures in…
Mérida is breathtaking! There is absolutely no city even slightly similar to Mérida in the USA. The list of Mérida’s beautiful qualities is ongoing! It’s a safe city, It’s beautiful, the people are friendly, its affordable, it has a great night life, good health care, and it has an airport that is easy to navigate…
Hola Amigos! taking this opportunity to finally write an actual blog post about my recent adventure traveling to beautiful Merida Mexico! Nothing beats getting out of the cold midwestern weather and being greeted by the breezy sweet smelling air of the Yucatán! First a little geography and history lesson for those unfamiliar with the Yucatán…
It’s going to snow!!!!! I love snow! Are you on team “bring on the blizzard!” or team “oh crap it’s snowing” My home town of Kansas City is supposed to be getting its first substantial snowfall of the season tonight! I’m definitely on team bring on the blizzard! How do you feel about snow?
I’m not sure how you feel about 2021 but it was pretty stressful for me. It started off on a sour note and just continued to be crazy. So many of us were exposed to dangers on the front lines both physically and figuratively. My plan for 2022 is to really focus on random acts…
I’m doing a cocky flex post here, I achieved luxury lounge traveling status! Hah! I am pretty proud about this because it took an insane amount of planning and calculating the actual cost. Now I just need to blend in with my luxury peers… I’m practicing my Queen wave, that may help me, I also…
Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park is beautiful! It offers some amazing opportunities to take some great Gopro 360 footage! Make sure to visit if you’re in Colorado!
I’m counting down the days until I’m back in Mexico! Can’t wait!
Have you ever experienced the breathtaking sandy beaches of Sri Lanka? It’s one of the most beautiful destinations in the world!
In my photography endeavors a goal has been to take professionally quality time-lapse footage of the sunrise and the night sky. I definitely had the chance a few weeks ago on a trip through Colorado, Utah, Arizona and New Mexico. I read extensively on the subject because there wasn’t much margin for error. It’s not…
Disney has a special place in my heart. Like many elder millennials, well before I started enjoying avocado toast I was watching VHS tapes of Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Robinhood. As time went by I saw The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and The Lion King when they were released in theaters. These were/are amazing movies for…
I definitely need a game plan if I want to check these remaining 8 states off my list. I’m thinking this is most manageable in 5 different trips. 6 trips if I want to spend some quality time at each location I’m wanting to visit. Here’s a quick rundown of what I’m brain storming!!!
Let’s talk about Rocky Mountain National Park. This national park is one of my favorite places in the world…
Entering the majestic realm of Monument Valley feels like stepping into a mesmerizing masterpiece, where nature’s hand has crafted a surreal landscape that defies imagination. This extraordinary place captures the essence of untamed wilderness, where towering sandstone formations reach towards the heavens, and the earth’s undulating contours paint a mesmerizing scene. As I approached the…
I’ve truly enjoyed exploring the country this year and have no plans to stop traveling anytime soon. Sitting at home and being isolated during the pandemic was probably one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had…
There will always be another deadline to meet Always another anxious thought provoking our peace Always a task that requires immediate attention For now I will close my eyes and rest Everything will still here tomorrow
I feel such sadness and pain. The sort you have when you cry and you can’t catch your breath. The kind where when your chest seizes you want to bury your head away. It’s the sadness that happens not when a loved one dies, but when someone you love stops loving you in return.
When the first post is placed we allow a division to begin With each baluster we allow our outlook to grow dim Soon our vision doesn’t even allow the possibility of a gate, this however was the reality in our mind all along.
Cynicism is opium to blunt pain. I’m a user and I love the kick but hate myself. I admired myself before pain. There was a simplicity before I started lying to myself.
My altruism may be my most cynical quality, after all who will help everyone if I don’t?
There’s nowhere to go but forward, but that’s ok because today we are creating tomorrow’s memories.
The haunting pain of labors dry My soul begins to close within my daunting try Flaunting in vain my neighbors pry My joy becomes gaunt before I cry
This is a story of a wandering notion A thought of glory thundering in emotion Shuddering as a quarry deep with commotion Clinging to life fluttering leaping of devotion How the bliss squandered was lesson learned Miss pine wander it churned the wind of these parts was earned Now the kiss of the past pondered…
